This is my submission for the January Carnival of Aces, Hosted by Demi and Proud. The topic for this month is viewing asexuality as a blessing.
One of the few moments I can remember stumbling across asexuality on YouTube in a mainstream channel was while watching Philip DeFranco. I am far from a news junky, and his videos are one of the only news sources I find palatable. I cannot remember the topic he was speaking on, but I believe it was something to do with a senator saying he would rather his son be dead than gay. DeFranco went on about how horrible it was that this attitude was still present in the twenty first century and, after all serious reporting was done, he commented, “If I could chose, I would want to be gay so I wouldn’t have to deal with women. No, actually, I’d rather be asexual so I wouldn’t have to deal with peole at all.” I was so pleasantly surprised to hear asexuality mentioned that it took me longer than it should have to consider the cons of his statement. For one, simply because one is asexual does not mean that they don’t want romantic companionship, and furthermore, even if someone is aromantic and asexual, they will still desire some meaningful interaction with fellow human beings. Besides the technicalities of his statement being wrong, I’ve discovered I find the overall mindset of, “I wish I wasn’t straight so I wouldn’t have to deal with the opposite sex” and the mindset of, “Oh, it would be so much easier to be asexual” rather ignorant. Are you honestly so oblivious to the struggles of LGBTQIA+ people? So unaware of the privileges you have because you’re straight? It’s quite insulting, really, but that is not the topic of this post. Anyone who is on the asexuality spectrum knows that it is not easy. Every coming out is a mini lecture on your orientation, and even if the person in question has heard of asexuality in regards to human sexual orientation, it is not guaranteed that they will believe in the validity of it. Despite all the struggles and frustration of people being unable/unwilling to understand, there are some silver linings. The obvious: not having to worry about unwanted pregnancy or diseases. Quick note: asexuality is a spectrum, and simply because someone is on it does not mean they are not sexually active. But that is a topic for another post.
A huge silver lining of asexuality is the puns that can be made from the slang of the community. For instance, the word “ace” – I have a sticker (in pride colors of course) that says “aced it”. Because I am ace, it can be said that I “ace” everything – chuckle chuckle. While playing cards with my cousins a year or so back, one cousin asked if I had an ace and it took a good amount of self control not to say, “Why yes, it could be said that I do. In fact, you all have an ace!” My best friend and I agree – when an asexual person comes out, the official term should be “coming out of the deck”. By far the best part of her having realized her own asexuality is that I have someone to share the ace community puns with. And then there are the online shenanigans, namely – you guessed it – the memes.
This last one isn’t all that comprehensible unless you’re a fan of the anime Hetalia, but here it is anyway:
On a more serious note, a blessing of being a-spec is the incredible community, how we find support in one another. There is a kind of strength that develops when such a large part of you is continually brushed aside and falsely represented. For me, realizing my sexual orientation made me more compassion toward minorities, and constantly having my orientation erased/ questioned/ criticized, while causing much frustration, has ultimately made me a stronger, slightly braver person.
Thanks for reading! May you go forward feeling as badass as this cat riding a fire breathing unicorn.
Until next time,
Keep on aceing it!