Surviving the Holidays

This time of year is paradoxical. You have children filled with excitement, adults filled with equal parts stress and sentimental feelings, and some are simply sad or anxious. Besides being a time of joy and giving, the holidays can be a time of grieving for lost loved ones, or even relationships with family. That has been the case for me personally. My mother has been, by far, the least accepting person out of the seven people I’ve come out to. She spent roughly the first eight months after I came out to her telling me I hadn’t found the right person yet, saying I couldn’t be asexual because I expressed aesthetic appreciation of a select few guys, even going as far as to insinuate that I had chosen to be asexual. It was only in the past year that she had finally decided to take me at my word about my orientation, but she still refused to adress it by its name. Perhaps one of the most hurtful things she has ever said to me regarding my orientation occurred after we had eaten lunch with my grandparents and the topic of gay marriage had popped up. Surprisingly, my eighty seven year old, extremely Catholic grandfather didn’t oppose it. I’m getting a bit off topic, forgive me. Anyway, as my mom and I were leaving their home, she thanked me for not coming out to my grandparents, as if my orientation , this significant fraction of who I am, was something embarrassing or shameful. I love my mother, I honestly do, but I will admit that her behavior regarding my asexual has deeply hurt me, and Ivdon’t feel as safe around her as I used to. Family is great, but gathering together this time of year can be difficult, particularly if you aren’t straight. So, here is an artical that I hope will be helpful, whatever your situation is.  https://www.queertheology.com/8-queer-holiday-tips-coping-surviving/ 

Until next time! Merry Christmas, happy holidays, keep on aceing it! 

Danielle

One thought on “Surviving the Holidays

  1. Hi Danielle. Having family not accept your sexuality is tough, especially if it’s someone as close to you as your own mother. Parents generally have very specific visions about who their children will grow up to be. I am fortunate to have a very open minded family. My own mother is actually lesbian and has married another woman, so our family has always been unconventional and far from the binary norm.

    I’m certain your mother will come around eventually. Asexuality is a tough one to grapple with, even more so than homosexuality, since there really is no point of reference for someone who is not asexual. With homosexuality, they at least have basic sexual attraction to relate to. I suspect that the more you come out to other people, the more your mom will accept it. She just needs to see that there is nothing wrong with you, and she needs to understand that it is not a reflection on her parenting, which is one of the primary concerns parents have when their children come out with a non binary normative sexuality.

    Best wishes for the new year. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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